Before + After Motherhood…
I need to start this blog out by saying sorry for not posting in awhile… Definitely not my intention to wait this long. Honestly, I just haven’t been overly inspired lately and life has been busy, busy, busy with my two littles running around! But, it really felt great to sit down and write again though! Recently I read online, “describe yourself before you became a Mom, then describe yourself after you became a Mom.” I thought it was an interesting topic to think about and utlimatley write about. So here we go Before + After Motherhood!
Who knew becoming a Mom would have such an impact on me. Now that I am a Mom it’s almost hard to type that… Like really? What part of me hasn’t been impacted, sheesh! When I was single, I hated it. I had one serious boyfriend before Paul and I have nothing but nice things to say about him! But, we ultimately had our differences and I also wanted to go into college without a boyfriend so I would be able to meet new people and start a new journey. I really didn’t like not having someone to call at night to talk to about my day. But being single is what led me to Paul, although we always had each other in mind (just wasn’t allowed with the 4 year age gap).
It’s hard to imagine what life was like before having children and a significant other to take care of and just having them around in general. During my single days, where I just had to take care of myself, I would stress about new clothes, hair, makeup, what car I drove, grades, boys, etc. That was pretty. much. it… I was also young, immature and didn’t have many responsibilities yet. I think being single “back then” was a lot less stressful than it is today, with all the online chaos and the changes with dating in general… Mad-props to all you single ladies right now, it may be annoying but God has your husband out there…just waiting for the perfect moment to introduce you two! Have Faith, God’s timing and plan is never wrong.
When Paul and I first started dating it was such a relief that my parents finally allowed it! Yes, there were certainly times (before my parents gave us their blessing to date) that we may have seen each other. But hey, look at us now, it all worked out! But now that I was dating someone I had a whole new responsibility… Paul, my boyfriend, my new love! I wanted nothing but to make him happy. We talked regularly about purposeful dating. Which basically meant, we weren’t just dating to date, we were dating each other because we saw potential for marriage; something I feel may be slightly lost in todays dating.
Being young and in love is something to cherish! I look at these old pictures of us and think we are such babies, but at the time I thought we had it all figured out. Being young also means you are most likely still pretty selfish, so we would have our fights, our break-up and our make-up… but overall it was a time for Paul and I to figure out if we would be a good match for forever together! We focused on one another, we talked all night, we went on trips, we laughed, we cried and we ultimatley decided life wouldn’t be as good without each other!
I thought we would never get engaged. I thought time and time again… “we’ll just date forever, he’s never going to do it!” If you know Paul and I, then you know I am the more impulsive one and he never does anything without thinking it through, making a list and checking it 500 times! haha Just kidding, buuuuut I mean really… I thought it wasn’t going to happen. Then BAM! Down on one knee! I was the happiest girl alive! I also had no idea it was coming, he totally surprised me and I’m so thankful he did it that way! He has always had my best interest in mind and he has taught me about paitience and how having it truly pays off! During life as an engaged couple ALL I thought about was Paul, our love, my new bling and the wedding! My mind was consumed with me and Paul and the journey we were about to embark on!
I would go to sleep with a smile on my face and wake up the same way. Paul and I were dating for a few years before he asked me to marry him and I loved him for even longer than that! He was my DREAM MAN (I still tell him that often)! I kid you not, I still look at him and think God really did give me my soulmate; I adore him beyond measure! I couldn’t help but daydream about what life would be like with Paul after marriage. We were excited to start that chapter!
Married life! It was like this feeling of AHH FINALLY! I knew I wanted to marry this man for so long, so when we did, it was like I won the lottery (can you tell I adore my husband?)! I get to spend the rest of my days with the most amazing man and my best friend! God made Paul for me and me for Paul! I have confidence in that and thank Jesus for blessing us with one another daily! Now, Paul and I have only been married for 3 years and I still feel like a newlywed! He makes me the happiest girl alive (I mean besides the days I want to punch him for not putting his clothes in the hamper) hehe but seriously, he’s a dream! I have heard of girls getting home-sick after getting married and that just wasn’t the case for me. I was home with Paul and I knew I always had my family near for extra support and love, but ultimately it was all about Paul and I now! It wasn’t long after being married that I, especially, had the itch to have a little mini running around! Paul agreed and a year later we became “Mama and Dada!” The biggest most monumental change in our lives!
I LOVED being pregnant! I actually miss it somedays! Seriously, feeling my little loves wiggle and kick around inside my belly was such a miracle to me! I mean it is a true blessing from God! All of a sudden life was starting to get kind of intense for me… Taking care of a little baby wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew I would be able to do it. I was so confident in myself! I was always good with kids, I loved kids! I went to school and graduated with a bachelors degree is elementary education for crying out loud! I prepared for our son and was beyond organized! But I still only really needed to focus on me and Paul, yes my mind was always thinking about our baby but my life hadn’t changed much yet…
I’ve already blogged about the kids birth stories so you will have to check those out if you want details! Oh the details! Yikes! All I can say, is God is GOOD! We have Lazar and Mila! They are safe, happy and healthy, we became a family of 4, in what seems like overnight!
“A family of 4!” Wow! Its still blows my mind somedays. I look back a handful of years ago and it was just me, sitting alone in my dorm reading my Bible praying God would show me the way. I prayed he would make me the woman I needed to be in order to find my husband, in order to find myself. God answered my prayers, He knew I needed time to grow with Him before I was ready to become a wife and mother. I’m still on my walk with the Lord, that never stops but the journey along the way has been incredible! There are days I swear I’ve dropped the ball completely as a Mom… Both kids are screaming, needing me and I find myself with old makeup on my face, dirty hair, Pauls old gym shorts (because they are the most comfortable over my stretched out belly that is sloooooowly, I repeat, SLOWLY shrinking), a nursing bra under a robe and tears forming in my eyes because I just don’t know where to begin or how to manage. Then, my daughter says “MAMA!” and my son, gives me a big, loud, sloppy kiss and I’m reminded how much they love me (NO MATTER WHAT) and how much they need me… My days are so different after becoming a Mom, more different than any big change in my entire life. Its been the best, hardest, most rewarding, exhausting, lovely and truly WORTH IT, time of my life! Before Motherhood was cool, but After is where I’m truly ME! I know this is what God had planned for me, and man am I thankful for that! I don’t have the perfect house, husband, body, car, clothing, or kids (although they are in my eyes…hehe), I do have a full heart and a heck of a lot of reasons to be thankful!
It’s actually pretty simple. It always has been and it always will be… All that we really need to focus on is… God and all the blessings He has given us. Whether we are single, dating, engaged, married or Mommy’s. We all have things going on in our lives that are important and relevant to each of us, here and now, in our own way. But it’s our job to keep God the most relevant and enjoy the journey He has set out for us!
HAVE FAITH MAMA(S)…God guides us through the befores so we will be ready for the beautiful afters!