When I was a young kiddo I hated thunder storms. The loud crashes led me straight to my parents bedroom as fast as I was able. I hated the anticipation of the next house-shaking boom! I just wanted it to end. Then came the mornings… mornings filled with a bright shinning sun and even a rainbow, if you were lucky! Who knew something so terrifying could actually end with something so beautiful?
Going through my miscarriage was certainly a storm that I just wanted to end. It was emotionally and physically painful. Sharing about my miscarriage was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Although the response I received was overwhelming to say the least. I received countless emails, text messages, calls, even gifts… Something I did not anticipate, but so beyond thankful for! Most of the messages brought tears to my eyes, bringing me to the sad realization that so many other women have went through a loss of their own. I didn’t know how I would heal from such a difficult situation, but I am thankful for all who reached out and for everyone that was truly there for me; it stills means more than I could ever put into words! The months following my miscarriage were difficult and it was hard to imagine getting pregnant again without the lingering anticipation of something going wrong… I dreaded the next boom!
But that’s the thing about God, He wants us to trust Him, rely on Him, and only Him! I prayed and asked God that if it was apart of His will for us to have another baby, that He would bless us with one. Joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5) just like the sun, and in our case a rainbow… our rainbow baby would be a reality! “A rainbow baby is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss. In the real world, a rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison (kickscount.org).”
My OBGYN advised me to wait one menstrual cycle after the miscarriage before trying to conceive, so that is exactly what we did. Sure enough on Thursday, June 8th I decided I should take a pregnancy test. My heart was racing and I knew if the test was positive I may just pass-out from fear, knowing that there was always the possibility of things going wrong… again. I had to remind myself of my many conversations with God asking Him for this very blessing… He answered! Baby Wise #3 will be born in late February!
There are days I still can’t believe it! My OBGYN has been amazing, in that, he has allowed me to have more frequent visits to give me peace of mind. Seeing our sweet babe and hearing his/her strong heartbeat is like picking up a phone, dialing God and having Him answer, “YES!” I prayed and asked God to rest my mind and give me a sense of calm for this pregnancy. Sometimes we ask for things and don’t always expect what we are then given… let me explain, I have been one sick cookie! Haha My pregnancies with Lazar and Mila were very easy going with minimal nausea, that disappeared quickly! I loved being pregnant! Don’t get me wrong, I still love it and I consider it a miracle, but being this nauseous and fatigued has thrown me for a sure LOOP! However, through it all, I thank God because it gives me the peace of mind I so diligently asked Him to provide. Now that I am in my second trimester, I am starting to regain my energy and the nausea is slowly but surely disappearing!
I must admit, even with every joyful moment, I still feel the sting of not welcoming a baby late October, early November. My mind likes to bring me to the realization of dates that have already come and gone that would have been monumental in that pregnancy… like finding out the gender, feeling the first kicks, going over my birth plan and even packing a hospital bag. I know these same very situations are approaching quickly, it’s just hard ignoring the facts. The good news and ultimately the solution is that God had a different plan… I find confidence in His plan and I am overjoyed with the blessings He has provided! So, although I may have a sad moment from time-to-time, I know that I need to focus on being the best I can be, not only for my own well-being but for my family! God didn’t promise us a perfect, trial free life… but what He DID promise was salvation from a world that will never satisfy and never be good enough.
HAVE FAITH MAMA(S)… God has a plan and if we trust it, rather than try and understand it, we will be a lot better off. Remember joy truly does come in the morning… and if we’re patient, maybe even a rainbow!