Meeting Mila.

Friday, April 24th 2015. Lazar and I had spent the day at my parents house, as we frequently did and still do on Fridays. We went to a fish fry down the road from their house… While at dinner, I was telling my Mom and Dad how I thought I could be pregnant again, but I had taken a few tests which had all been negative so I ruled it out. I remember my Dad telling me, “No, I think you are! You should take another test.” I loved to hear the optomism in his voice. I am, and always have been very close to my parents, so having a conversation like this was and is the norm; I’m so thankful for that! That night, after returning home, I put Lazar to bed and decided, “oh what the heck, I’m just gonna take one!” (a pregnancy test that is)! I fully expected it to come back negative, but much to my surprise a plus sign appeared… “OMG, Wise baby #2!”God is GOOD!

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I’ve always heard that you should take pregnancy tests in the morning (your first pee of the day), but for some reason I just couldn’t wait, I could still hear my Dad’s voice ringing in my ears… “I think you are! You should take another test.” Let’s not forget our sweet, and still fairly new son, Lazar was only 5 months when I took that test! I was a little shocked, I felt a giant wave of emotions flood over me! I was excited, happy, scared and nervous all at once! Of course Paul wasn’t home from work just yet and I wanted to wait to tell him in person so I texted him to see when he would be home. He replied, “on my way” and also asked me to preheat the oven. I replied, “oh it’s cookin!” (haha get it?! “bun in the oven!”) Yea I know I’m corny! He replied with question marks and I decided not to respond since I knew he would be walking through the door any minute. When he did finally get home, I handed him the positive pregnancy test and he honestly thought I was joking (haha)! Oops! We were so excited! BUT, we also were no longer naive to all the obstacles having a child brings about. It’s the most rewarding experience in the world but boy-oh-boy it’s no walk in the park! We thanked God for yet again, another blessing that would be added to our family! I already couldn’t wait to meet our sweet DAUGHTER!

This pregnancy was so similar to Lazar’s, I felt great! The only difference was the occasional headaches (which I figured was from the lack of sleep and rest) since I was now taking care of a baby on top of being pregnant; other than that, I felt amazing and I was so happy that our little family was growing! There were days that I thought it will be impossible to take care of Lazar and a newborn. I would get over emotional thinking about sharing my attention between two kiddos. How could I possibly give another baby as much love as I give to Lazar? I kind of didn’t think it was even possible, but once again, God never gives us more than we can handle. I had complete confidence that God had everything perfectly planned out for us and I was and will always be beyond thankful for His divine Grace!

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November, 26 2015. Thanksgiving Day and Lazar’s FIRST Birthday! I woke up that morning and sobbed! I could not wrap my head around the fact that we had a One year old! Where did the time go!? And to think the next month Mila would be arriving! It was a crazy feeling! I felt just as excited, happy, scared and nervous like the night I found out I was pregnant with Mila! I couldn’t believe how quickly those 8 months had flown by! Her due date was December 22nd 2015 and my OBGYN (the same one who delivered Lazar) was saying I was measuring large again, implying it may be hard to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).

My entire pregnancy with Mila I was very optomic for a VBAC. My OBGYN and I had discussed all the risks and benefits of a VBAC and I was hoping and praying for the best. Since I needed a c-section with Lazar, simply because of his size, the odds of me needing one with Mila were relatively high… basically if you have a big baby you are likely to have more big babies. BUT, the Doctor reassured me that anything was possible. We decided to wait and see how big she would  get and go from there. I had one of my last weekly check-ups on Tuesday, December 15th 2015, the entire morning leading up to my 2pm appointment, I had been having very infrequent contractions. Just to be prepared, we packed our bags and made arrangements with our parents to watch Lazar and went into that appointment thinking it would be the day we got to meet Mila! Eh… not so much. My contractions weren’t consistent enough to keep me at the hospital so my Doctor suggested we schedule another c-section since I was showing all the same signs I did with Lazar…I wasn’t dilating, my cervix wasn’t thinning and she was really high up in my uterus. It was most likely going to be Lazar’s Birth Story all over again, and that just wasn’t in the cards for this Mama… If you haven’t read his births story I suggest you do to understand why I didn’t want to repeat it (haha)! Ultimatley, I trusted the Doctors advice and we scheduled the c-section for Thursday, December 17th 2015. He suggested we do a c-section right away since I was so uncomfortable from the infrequent contractions. He also estimated that Mila was around 8lbs arleady so she was at a healthy weight and I was 39 weeks so there was no reason to hold off at that point.

Wednesday, December 16th 2015 may have been the longest most uncomfortable day (besides the full day of labor I experienced with Lazar)! I was still having the infrequent contractions and I honestly couldn’t wait for the day to be over so we could finally meet our sweet daughter! The day had arrived! Although I was a whale (haha), I think I sprung out of bed that morning! I was beyond excited! We were the first c-section of the day so we checked into the hospital at 5am. It was honestly the most surreal expierence. Almost a year ago exactly I was in the same hospital ready to meet our first born… some of the nurses were like, “wait didn’t you JUST have a baby!?” We laughed about how different this experience was compared to the painful labor pains from a SHORT year ago.

When you have a scheduled c-section it’s very planned and there isn’t a whole lot of drama. You can’t eat or drink anything past a certain time the night before depending on your surgery time, so when you arrive, get undressed and into you glamorous (eye-roll) hospital gown, they immediately start you on an IV to get fluids pumping. Getting poked with a needle at 5:30am certainly wasn’t ideal, but the excitement and adrenaline running through me was all I focused on. Mila would be in my arms in a few short hours! We were all set and ready as we waited for the surgery room to be prepped. This time around I was able to walk to the ice cold room myself, much different than the first time around with Lazar (see his birth story). Once in the surgery room, they explained to me that I needed a spinal. Basically the difference between a spinal and an epidural is: a spinal is just one shot of medication and an epidural is a catheter left in your back to allow constant numbing medication for a longer period of time. The reason Doctors normally give spinals to c-section patients is because they generally know how long the procedure is going to take, whereas laboring Mama’s don’t follow any type of time restrictions (haha) and may need the extra doses of medication. The spinal (in my opinion) was a lot more painful than the epidural. I think it was because I was completely aware and not exhausted from a day of labor.

The surgery room was ice cold as I had mentioned, so they offer you warmed blankets (those things were the bees knees) if they don’t offer them, ask for them! After they had FINALLY gotten the spinal to work I was completely numb from the top of my baby belly down to my toes within seconds. The nurses laid me down and continued to get everything all set. The surgeon, my OBGYN, was all prepped and ready; I felt like I was in a very vivd dream. He explained it was time to let Paul into the room, as he was ready to get started! Honestly just typing that gives me the same lump in my throat, with the same tears welling up, when I experienced it nearly 3 months ago, while laying on that cold operating table. As Paul walked in tears uncontrollably trickled down my cheeks. You guys, when the love of your life walks into the room where you are about to be sliced open, and your eyes meet, emotions are out of your control. The comfort Paul gives me in just one glance is enough to give me the courage to go through anything! I love that man more than he will ever know! When he sat down next to me he asked if I was in pain (because of the tears), I explained I was just happy to see him!

“Ok it’s time to meet Mila! Lets get started.” the Doctor explained. My heart was racing I was a little freaked out knowing what was happening on the other side of that curtain. They drape a surgical curtain between your chest and belly so you don’t watch them cut into you, or as one of the nurses put it, “so you don’t feel tempted to try and assist the Doctor.” (haha). The surgery began and the discomfort followed practically immediately. The tugging and pressure is hard to explain… I just remembered I was so uncomfortable (that was and is the only way I can explain it)! I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe! I was groaning a bit and remember explaining to the nurse, it felt like an elephant was sitting on me. My OBGYN explained that was because there was pressure against my diaphragm… Bruuuutal to say the least! Tears continued to fall throughout the entire surgery… Paul was extremely uncomfortable seeing ME so uncomfortable so he asked if he could step out. He explained later that he felt like he was going to pass out! He says, “It was waaaaay too quiet in there and all I could hear is you groaning and crying!” (haha) poor guy! So Paul leaves the room to take a breather in the hall while the aneshesiologist offers him a bagel and a Pepsi (haha). The Doctor explained Mila was almost out so they better get Paul back in, he eventually made it back in perfect timing. Although, once they did finally get Mila out I was starting to feel a ton of pain, as my body doesn’t respond well to medication, so it was already wearing off (refer to Lazar’s birth story). My groans became a lot louder and my tears more frequent, this only made Paul feel even more uneasy than the first time so out he went… to the hallway that is, not the floor (haha)!

Thursday, December 17th at 8am. The Doctor pulled Mila out and handed her to the nurses all I could hear is, “oh she is just beautiful!” I couldn’t wait to lay my eyes on her! All 7lbs 15oz and 20.5inches of her! Again, much like Lazar’s story, it felt as if my soul was being ripped from my body, when they lifted her out. I hated that I wasn’t able to wrap her up in my arms immediately, but the nurses brought her up to me for kisses right away! I felt my heart double in size! Our daughter is AMAZING! In both instances, Lazar’s birth and Mila’s, the entire time I could physically feel God’s presence! Its almost a feeling of His arms being wrapped around me and giving me peace knowing He is near and has complete control! The amount of comfort that gave me is indescribable! It’s truly surreal like an out-of-body experience! I am truly thankful for The Lords LOVE He has for His children! I know we will never be able to humanly comprehend how much God loves us but when I heard those first little cries and saw those beautiful little faces I felt loves pulse through me in a way I didn’t know was possible!

Mila is truly LOVELY! She is such a sweetheart and has been pure joy to have around! We are beyond thankful to God for choosing Paul and I as her parents! She is all smiles and is one tough cookie when her older brother can’t decide between a sweet kiss or a swift smack (haha)! Life just wouldn’t be as amazing without her and my heart is so full! I absolutely LOVE being a “Boy Mama and a Girl Mama!” Being a Mother is one of the most precious gifts God can give a woman. Whether its through a vaginal birth, a c-section, a surrogate, an adoption, etc… the gift of Motherhood is something that is a true privilege no matter the journey to get there!

Have Faith Mama(s)! The journey is well worth the ride!

XO

 

Lazar’s Birth Story.

First of all, just typing the title of this made me cry, so you can only imagine how special this time of our lives was… still is… will always be! Everyone told us becoming a parent is indescribable, “you just won’t understand how amazing it is until it happens!” Well, there couldn’t be any more truth to that statement. The day Paul and I became parents, was truly the very best thing that ever happened to us! Lazar’s birth story is something I am so happy to share and document so one day I can look back and read this. Maybe he will read this one day too and think wow! I owe her a big hug (haha)!

I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant… Saturday, March 15th 2014.  I woke up around 9:30am and decided I was going to take a pregnancy test. I had been taking them pretty frequently hoping for the two lines to come shooting across the screen of the pregnancy test. I remember thinking, “here you go wasting another one of these things…” As I sat there it became pretty evident immediately what the result was…”Holy CRAP! It’s POSITIVE!!!!!!!” That’s EXACTLY what I yelled from the little tiny bathroom in our little tiny lake house we were living in at the time. Of course Paul was listing to something on his computer and had his headphones on so he didn’t hear me! I ran into the living room to show him, with tears rushing down my face. He looked at me and just knew! Ah the beginning to the most beautiful love story!

After Paul and I relished in the excitment of having a baby, I just couldn’t hold in the news from our families. My parents lived right down the road from us at the time and I thought what better way to tell them, than in person! I called and asked if they wanted to go on a walk, as we frequently did… of course they agreed. I’ll never forget the excitement of walking into their bedroom with the news I was about to tell them. I was about to give them one of the greatest gifts I could possibly ever give… a grand baby! They were going to be grandparents for the very first time! I could barely hold it in! My Dad was sitting on a bench at the end of their bed putting on his shoes and my Mom was in their closet. “I have a question for you guys? Are you ready to be grandparents!?” We shared a moment that was so special to me and will forever hold a special place in my heart! We cried tears of joy in each others arms! What a fun walk that ended up being!

My pregnancy was amazing! We moved out of our little lake home and into our new home we reside in now. We were preparing for our SON! I was so excited to have a boy first. We both have older brothers and I think it’s what we both wanted to start off our family with…Ultimately, God just knew it is exactly what we needed! We chose to name him Lazar after my Uncle Lock. It is a Croatian name, since that is my families heritage. Lock or Locky is the english version of Lazar. More importantly though, we wanted to name him after someone we both love and look up to and my Uncle Lock was the perfect man for the job! I could write a book about how amazing that man is! Anyways, my due date was November 27th, 2014. The months were flying by and my belly was HUGE! People constantly told me I was having multiples. I’ll never forget the September night at the grocery store when a man at the check out said to me, “wow, is the car waiting outside to take you to the hospital? You look ready to pop!” Little did he know I had a couple months to go! I humored him with a smile and a, “Yes, any day know!” Eh, what’s a little white lie… Didn’t want him to feel bad (haha). image

Finally, November came. We were SO EXCITED! I had been seeing a midwife with hopes of having the most natural birth as possible! We planned on having a water birth in the hospital. I didn’t want any drugs and I wanted to go into labor on my own, no inducing. Well, God had other plans and it’s best to NOT make your own at all sometimes because He always has final say! As Lazar grew my Midwife was concerned I may need a cesarean because of how big I was measuring. I remained optimistic, leaving all the c-section talk at the very back of my mind. My Mom and Mother-in-law both had large babies naturally, so could I… I thought!

November 25th, 2014 3am… OUCH! Woke up to uncomfortable cramping. I figured it was just the normal aches and pains of having such a large belly, so I got up to go to the bathroom and when I laid back down I realized the cramping wasn’t going away, it was consistent. I had downloaded a contraction counter app to help me track each contraction and how long they lasted. Side note** Our bags were all packed and ready because our Midwife suggested I get induced if I wanted to try and have this baby naturally (because of his size). We fought against it and even canceled the first planned induction, as it just didn’t feel right. We prayed long and hard about it and agreed on 7am, Tuesday, November 25th, 2014 to get induced. We were still uneasy about the idea of rushing something with drugs that just didn’t seem necessary, so we continued to pray long and hard. BAM! I went into labor on my own. Once again, it’s God plan! I called the nurse direct line at the hospital to let them know I went into labor on my own, they instructed me to keep my 7am appointment unless the contractions got unbearable before then.

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We arrived at the hospital at 6:45am and knew by the time we left we would have our baby boy! The excitement was through the roof! Labor, oh labor! Yes, it really is as bad as you think, it’s actually worse! Mine lasted 20+ hours and I was still determined to deliver Lazar drug free. My plan seemed to be happening… Then, it just wasn’t.  During the 20+ hours my Midwife broke my water, I walked the halls, I sat in the bathtub, I sat on the giant exercise ball, we rubbed essential oils everywhere…yes, EVERYWHERE (haha)! Nothing seemed to get things moving. I only got to 4.5 centimeters during that entire process. 20+ hours, no drugs, excruciating pain and now the surgeon comes in, examines me, and explains I will need a c-section. We agree it’s the best/safest option for Lazar and I. Everyone left the room to start prepping for surgery except Paul and my parents. The second I heard the door shut, I broke down sobbing. I felt like needing a c-section was a failure and made me less of a mother. I’ll never forget my Dad rushing over to my bedside balling, reassuring me “everything is going to be ok!” I loved that moment and I’ll never forget it! This is all apart of “The Plan!” God’s Plan! I trusted that and knew it was the best option.

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Now that I knew I was getting a c-section I was SO READY to not experience any more pain! I had had enough over the span of the full day! I mean for crying out loud it WAS Wednesday, November, 26th at this point so I had endured a day of labor drug free, now I was ready for the pain to go bye-bye! They gave me an epidural while they got the surgery room prepared so I was able to relax. I’ve learned (NOW) my body doesn’t respond well to medication because the first epidural didn’t work… the second one helped and I was able to rest a bit before surgery. As you can tell Paul found the scrubs appealing (haha)! When the Doctor began the surgery I felt an immense amount of burning like a hot iron was being pressed against my skin! I shrieked, yelling out, “It BURNS! It BURNS!” The Doctor immediately stopped and I was pumped with more drugs… ugh! The tugging and pulling was extremely uncomfortable! I think people assume women who get c-sections just go in for a nice little pain-free surgery and batta-bing batta-boom… a baby! NONO that’s certainly not the case!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014 at 1:56am Lazar Charles Wise was born! Weighing 9lbs. 14oz. 23 inches long! I was overwhelmed with joy I balled as I watched the nurses clean him off across the room! I was devastated I wasn’t able to have him in my arms immediately! It felt like they ripped my soul out of me and I couldn’t do a thing but just lay there and watch… After they stitched me up and wheeled me back into my room my body was in shock and shaking uncontrollably. My blood pressure dropped to a very unsafe level and the Doctor was called back to check on me. Thankfully I was stabilized and snuggling our sweet baby boy! Holy Moly God’s plan was dramatically different than what I was hoping for! But, I know it was for the best and I will trust in that forever! looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing! Its our story and I love it!

God always has our very best interest in mind! He is always with us and as long as we believe in Him and His plan we are going to be just fine! That was the hardest day of my life but it was also one of the best! It was the day I became a Mama! It was a long day, and through all the pain there was also some other drama that now brings nothing but laughter. Mid-day my Midwife is rubbing a lavender oil mixtures on my back as I am hunched over the hospital bed, when my Mom steps in and offers to take over so my Midwife could check on her other patients. My Mom takes over right as I had a hard contraction… mid groans my Mom explains she feels warm and may need to sit down. Meanwhile, I can’t talk, I’m in so much pain so I remain hunched, being no help… Mom walks away when I here, “JESUS CATHY!” YEP! Mom passed out in the hallway! My Dad tried to catch her mid fall (all while yelling out “JESUS CATHY!”) haha! Her and my Dad gave blood that afternoon which is probably why she passed out combined with the lack of food and seeing her daughter in immense pain! All-in-All an amazing day!

Have Faith Mama(s)… because Gods plan is always going to be bigger & better than you could ever imagine!

XO

Why I started a blog.

Hello! So this blogging experience has been nothing short of confusing! But with tons of help from awesome friends…here I am! I decided to start this blog mainly to help Mama’s out there in any way possible. I am by no means an expert Mama, I mean who is? That’s a rhetorical question (haha)… The answer is no Mom… NO Mom is an expert. We may look back on our childhoods and beg to differ, thinking, “My Mom was certainly an expert!” No, sorry.  Every Mom, great and not-so-great has had their fair share of struggles, that I am certain of.

I plan to post all about the exciting and not so exciting things that go on here in the Wise home. Recently, I have had ladies asking me where I get my kiddos moccasins, or what brand of diapers I use, or how I got my 2 month old to sleep through the night.  These are all things I have discovered along this bumpy journey called “Motherhood” and like I said, I am no expert. What I hope to do is be a blessing to anyone taking the time to read my posts. I hope to be encouraging and give advice from what I have found helpful and what has worked for me and my family… whether that be the baby monitor I use or my favorite go-to outfit or even how I curl my hair in a rush. At the end of the day, God told me to start a blog. I never thought I would be the “blogging” type (whatever that even is) but I am here and I’m genuinely excited about it.

So thank YOU for taking time out of your busy day to read my chatter! I hope to bring a smile to your face and joy to your hearts! Have Faith Mama(s) because at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters anyways!

XO