Meeting Mila.

Friday, April 24th 2015. Lazar and I had spent the day at my parents house, as we frequently did and still do on Fridays. We went to a fish fry down the road from their house… While at dinner, I was telling my Mom and Dad how I thought I could be pregnant again, but I had taken a few tests which had all been negative so I ruled it out. I remember my Dad telling me, “No, I think you are! You should take another test.” I loved to hear the optomism in his voice. I am, and always have been very close to my parents, so having a conversation like this was and is the norm; I’m so thankful for that! That night, after returning home, I put Lazar to bed and decided, “oh what the heck, I’m just gonna take one!” (a pregnancy test that is)! I fully expected it to come back negative, but much to my surprise a plus sign appeared… “OMG, Wise baby #2!”God is GOOD!

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I’ve always heard that you should take pregnancy tests in the morning (your first pee of the day), but for some reason I just couldn’t wait, I could still hear my Dad’s voice ringing in my ears… “I think you are! You should take another test.” Let’s not forget our sweet, and still fairly new son, Lazar was only 5 months when I took that test! I was a little shocked, I felt a giant wave of emotions flood over me! I was excited, happy, scared and nervous all at once! Of course Paul wasn’t home from work just yet and I wanted to wait to tell him in person so I texted him to see when he would be home. He replied, “on my way” and also asked me to preheat the oven. I replied, “oh it’s cookin!” (haha get it?! “bun in the oven!”) Yea I know I’m corny! He replied with question marks and I decided not to respond since I knew he would be walking through the door any minute. When he did finally get home, I handed him the positive pregnancy test and he honestly thought I was joking (haha)! Oops! We were so excited! BUT, we also were no longer naive to all the obstacles having a child brings about. It’s the most rewarding experience in the world but boy-oh-boy it’s no walk in the park! We thanked God for yet again, another blessing that would be added to our family! I already couldn’t wait to meet our sweet DAUGHTER!

This pregnancy was so similar to Lazar’s, I felt great! The only difference was the occasional headaches (which I figured was from the lack of sleep and rest) since I was now taking care of a baby on top of being pregnant; other than that, I felt amazing and I was so happy that our little family was growing! There were days that I thought it will be impossible to take care of Lazar and a newborn. I would get over emotional thinking about sharing my attention between two kiddos. How could I possibly give another baby as much love as I give to Lazar? I kind of didn’t think it was even possible, but once again, God never gives us more than we can handle. I had complete confidence that God had everything perfectly planned out for us and I was and will always be beyond thankful for His divine Grace!

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November, 26 2015. Thanksgiving Day and Lazar’s FIRST Birthday! I woke up that morning and sobbed! I could not wrap my head around the fact that we had a One year old! Where did the time go!? And to think the next month Mila would be arriving! It was a crazy feeling! I felt just as excited, happy, scared and nervous like the night I found out I was pregnant with Mila! I couldn’t believe how quickly those 8 months had flown by! Her due date was December 22nd 2015 and my OBGYN (the same one who delivered Lazar) was saying I was measuring large again, implying it may be hard to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).

My entire pregnancy with Mila I was very optomic for a VBAC. My OBGYN and I had discussed all the risks and benefits of a VBAC and I was hoping and praying for the best. Since I needed a c-section with Lazar, simply because of his size, the odds of me needing one with Mila were relatively high… basically if you have a big baby you are likely to have more big babies. BUT, the Doctor reassured me that anything was possible. We decided to wait and see how big she would  get and go from there. I had one of my last weekly check-ups on Tuesday, December 15th 2015, the entire morning leading up to my 2pm appointment, I had been having very infrequent contractions. Just to be prepared, we packed our bags and made arrangements with our parents to watch Lazar and went into that appointment thinking it would be the day we got to meet Mila! Eh… not so much. My contractions weren’t consistent enough to keep me at the hospital so my Doctor suggested we schedule another c-section since I was showing all the same signs I did with Lazar…I wasn’t dilating, my cervix wasn’t thinning and she was really high up in my uterus. It was most likely going to be Lazar’s Birth Story all over again, and that just wasn’t in the cards for this Mama… If you haven’t read his births story I suggest you do to understand why I didn’t want to repeat it (haha)! Ultimatley, I trusted the Doctors advice and we scheduled the c-section for Thursday, December 17th 2015. He suggested we do a c-section right away since I was so uncomfortable from the infrequent contractions. He also estimated that Mila was around 8lbs arleady so she was at a healthy weight and I was 39 weeks so there was no reason to hold off at that point.

Wednesday, December 16th 2015 may have been the longest most uncomfortable day (besides the full day of labor I experienced with Lazar)! I was still having the infrequent contractions and I honestly couldn’t wait for the day to be over so we could finally meet our sweet daughter! The day had arrived! Although I was a whale (haha), I think I sprung out of bed that morning! I was beyond excited! We were the first c-section of the day so we checked into the hospital at 5am. It was honestly the most surreal expierence. Almost a year ago exactly I was in the same hospital ready to meet our first born… some of the nurses were like, “wait didn’t you JUST have a baby!?” We laughed about how different this experience was compared to the painful labor pains from a SHORT year ago.

When you have a scheduled c-section it’s very planned and there isn’t a whole lot of drama. You can’t eat or drink anything past a certain time the night before depending on your surgery time, so when you arrive, get undressed and into you glamorous (eye-roll) hospital gown, they immediately start you on an IV to get fluids pumping. Getting poked with a needle at 5:30am certainly wasn’t ideal, but the excitement and adrenaline running through me was all I focused on. Mila would be in my arms in a few short hours! We were all set and ready as we waited for the surgery room to be prepped. This time around I was able to walk to the ice cold room myself, much different than the first time around with Lazar (see his birth story). Once in the surgery room, they explained to me that I needed a spinal. Basically the difference between a spinal and an epidural is: a spinal is just one shot of medication and an epidural is a catheter left in your back to allow constant numbing medication for a longer period of time. The reason Doctors normally give spinals to c-section patients is because they generally know how long the procedure is going to take, whereas laboring Mama’s don’t follow any type of time restrictions (haha) and may need the extra doses of medication. The spinal (in my opinion) was a lot more painful than the epidural. I think it was because I was completely aware and not exhausted from a day of labor.

The surgery room was ice cold as I had mentioned, so they offer you warmed blankets (those things were the bees knees) if they don’t offer them, ask for them! After they had FINALLY gotten the spinal to work I was completely numb from the top of my baby belly down to my toes within seconds. The nurses laid me down and continued to get everything all set. The surgeon, my OBGYN, was all prepped and ready; I felt like I was in a very vivd dream. He explained it was time to let Paul into the room, as he was ready to get started! Honestly just typing that gives me the same lump in my throat, with the same tears welling up, when I experienced it nearly 3 months ago, while laying on that cold operating table. As Paul walked in tears uncontrollably trickled down my cheeks. You guys, when the love of your life walks into the room where you are about to be sliced open, and your eyes meet, emotions are out of your control. The comfort Paul gives me in just one glance is enough to give me the courage to go through anything! I love that man more than he will ever know! When he sat down next to me he asked if I was in pain (because of the tears), I explained I was just happy to see him!

“Ok it’s time to meet Mila! Lets get started.” the Doctor explained. My heart was racing I was a little freaked out knowing what was happening on the other side of that curtain. They drape a surgical curtain between your chest and belly so you don’t watch them cut into you, or as one of the nurses put it, “so you don’t feel tempted to try and assist the Doctor.” (haha). The surgery began and the discomfort followed practically immediately. The tugging and pressure is hard to explain… I just remembered I was so uncomfortable (that was and is the only way I can explain it)! I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe! I was groaning a bit and remember explaining to the nurse, it felt like an elephant was sitting on me. My OBGYN explained that was because there was pressure against my diaphragm… Bruuuutal to say the least! Tears continued to fall throughout the entire surgery… Paul was extremely uncomfortable seeing ME so uncomfortable so he asked if he could step out. He explained later that he felt like he was going to pass out! He says, “It was waaaaay too quiet in there and all I could hear is you groaning and crying!” (haha) poor guy! So Paul leaves the room to take a breather in the hall while the aneshesiologist offers him a bagel and a Pepsi (haha). The Doctor explained Mila was almost out so they better get Paul back in, he eventually made it back in perfect timing. Although, once they did finally get Mila out I was starting to feel a ton of pain, as my body doesn’t respond well to medication, so it was already wearing off (refer to Lazar’s birth story). My groans became a lot louder and my tears more frequent, this only made Paul feel even more uneasy than the first time so out he went… to the hallway that is, not the floor (haha)!

Thursday, December 17th at 8am. The Doctor pulled Mila out and handed her to the nurses all I could hear is, “oh she is just beautiful!” I couldn’t wait to lay my eyes on her! All 7lbs 15oz and 20.5inches of her! Again, much like Lazar’s story, it felt as if my soul was being ripped from my body, when they lifted her out. I hated that I wasn’t able to wrap her up in my arms immediately, but the nurses brought her up to me for kisses right away! I felt my heart double in size! Our daughter is AMAZING! In both instances, Lazar’s birth and Mila’s, the entire time I could physically feel God’s presence! Its almost a feeling of His arms being wrapped around me and giving me peace knowing He is near and has complete control! The amount of comfort that gave me is indescribable! It’s truly surreal like an out-of-body experience! I am truly thankful for The Lords LOVE He has for His children! I know we will never be able to humanly comprehend how much God loves us but when I heard those first little cries and saw those beautiful little faces I felt loves pulse through me in a way I didn’t know was possible!

Mila is truly LOVELY! She is such a sweetheart and has been pure joy to have around! We are beyond thankful to God for choosing Paul and I as her parents! She is all smiles and is one tough cookie when her older brother can’t decide between a sweet kiss or a swift smack (haha)! Life just wouldn’t be as amazing without her and my heart is so full! I absolutely LOVE being a “Boy Mama and a Girl Mama!” Being a Mother is one of the most precious gifts God can give a woman. Whether its through a vaginal birth, a c-section, a surrogate, an adoption, etc… the gift of Motherhood is something that is a true privilege no matter the journey to get there!

Have Faith Mama(s)! The journey is well worth the ride!

XO

 

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